Blog Updates: Newsletter, Interviews, Resource Pages, Listen Feature

I just completed this month’s newsletter.  The feature article is “Communicating with the dying.”  To get a copy, sign up on the lower side of the blog and I will send it out to you.   If you want to get blog updates, notices about new blogs being posted, sign up on the upper side of the blog.  They are separate services.  You are welcome to both.

I feel very fortunate to be able to include a thank you I just received from Elizabeth P in New Jersey.  “Viki helped me in my crisis. There was no wait, no down time, and she knew her stuff!”

She called for help a month ago and just wrote back to tell me that things worked out well.  I was so glad I was able to help.  She was in a medical crisis with her mom and the doctor was not listening and was going against her mother’s wishes.  I told her what steps she needed to take and gave her insight into how to communicate best with the physician. I wish Elizabeth and her mom the best.

There are more Blog Talk Radio interviews scheduled.  They are listed on the side panel.  To hear the show, you can listen live through http://blogtalkradio.com/KindEthics, or you can listen on the phone at 347-945-5152.

You can also use 347-945-5152 to call in to ask questions live.  If you want to listen later, then you can listen through the computer, just click on the link on my site, or download it through itunes.

If you know someone who is doing amazing work that I should be interviewing, please have them contact me.

I was happy to hear that people in Indiana and Maryland used my resource page to get their state-appropriate advance directive.  I just hope they will fill them out.  (smiling)  If anyone needs help with this, email me viki@kindethics.com

I also added a California POLST section to the resource page.  POLST stands for Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment.

Lastly, my great blog strategist and social networking expert, Michelle Price, AThirdMind.com, just installed the listen to the blog feature.  Now you can press listen and while you are doing your housework of playing with your cat, you can listen to the updates.  You can also go through and download them.  I wanted to make sure that this website is accessible to all those with types of needs.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Today is National Healthcare Decision Day

If you read Monday’s blog you will know that medicine can be corrupt and the best defense you can have is to put your wishes in writing. So, what should you be doing today?

1. Talk to your loved ones about what you would want if you were going to live in a terrible condition. And talk to your loved ones about what you want if you were dying. Not just the medical choices but where and how you would want to die and what else might make it a good death for you.

2. Tell your doctors about all of these wishes as well.

3. Fill out your advance directive for healthcare decisions. Go to my resource page to download an advance directive. Print out copies for everyone you care about.

4. Give copies of your completed form to your loved ones and all of your doctors and your local hospital. Keep a note in your wallet stating the phone numbers of your decision makers and where your advance directive is kept. It should be kept on your refrigerator, in your medicine cabinet or at your bedside.

5. Be comforted in knowing that you have taken care of things so it won’t be a burden on your family. It is a gift to them to make sure they aren’t burdened by having to make these difficult decisions for you.

6. If you need help, please contact me at viki@kindethics.com.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

Doctor Desperation = Corruption and Bad Deaths – Part 1

More and more I am being told that doctors are keeping patients alive against their will in order to make more money. It used to be that a doctor or two was money hungry and misusing their power to increase their income. But now this problem is spreading. I am hearing this at almost every hospital I go to and it is not just one doctor but many.  (Of course there are still great doctors out there.  Today I am talking about the problem doctors.)

Here is what is happening. Doctors get paid per activity they do. The more complicated the patient’s condition is, the more money the doctor can charge. And the best billing rate is for the ICU visit. So, patients in the ICU are being kept alive against their wishes. The doctor has control over that hospital bed and they don’t want another doctor filling it with their patient. The patient is usually unconscious at this point and the family tries to advocate for their loved one but no one is listening. I hear the family cry out, “He wouldn’t want to live like this. Why are you doing this?” But nothing happens. The nurses know what is going on but they don’t feel safe taking action against the doctor.

I understand that doctors are struggling to make ends meet like all of us. I know doctors that haven’t been paid in 6 months. They are barely making enough to pay for their office staff and their malpractice insurance. But that does not give them the right to harm patients and to go against the patient’s wishes. When a doctor goes against the patient’s stated wishes, it is called assault and battery. If you are in this situation with your loved one or are a healthcare professional witnessing this happen to your patients, tell the ethics committee and the administration. Tell anyone who will listen. And if no one will listen, contact me and I will help you.

The one thing you can all do to be safe is to write down your wishes on your advance directive so you can be protected from corrupt doctors. In my resource section, you can download a state specific document. If you need help filling it in, let me know and I will help you.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

Hospice Foundation of America Teleconference – Diversity at End of Life

It is time for the 2009 National Bereavement Teleconference – Diversity and End-of-Life Care put on by Hospice Foundation of America. Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The program will focus on ways of understanding diversity and how cultural histories, traditions and beliefs can affect end of life care.

You can find out who is hosting a viewing in your area at http://www.hospicefoundation.org/teleconference/default.asp

The Hospice Foundation of America puts on a great educational presentation every year at this time. This year we are lucky because an encore presentation will be available.

A replay of the live event will be available, via webcast only, beginning at 7:30 p.m. EDT (4:30 p.m. Pacific Time). Continuing education credits (CE’s) are also available for both the live program and the encore presentation. However, it is required by boards for continuing education credits to host a 30-minute local discussion, held directly after each program.

Learning Objectives

1. Define diversity and discuss sources of diversity such as ethnicity, class, sexual orientation, religion, and disability;
2. Describe the ways that cultural diversity can both complicate and facilitate end-of-life experiences, including grief and adaptation to loss;
3. Discuss the knowledge, sensitivities, and skills necessary to work with culturally-diverse populations in end-of-life care;
4. Assess the challenges hospice and palliative care present for culturally diverse groups including, but not limited to, African-Americans, Latinos/Hispanics, Asians and Islamic-Americans;
5. Describe effective strategies and programs to work with end-of-life issues with culturally diverse populations including, but not limited to, African-Americans, Asians, Latinos/Hispanics, and Islamic-Americans.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

Is my grief normal? Do other people cry this much?

Ask Viki

Is my grief normal? Do other people cry this much?

I was sitting with a friend whose husband died 6 weeks ago. She wept and talked then stopped crying and talked then wept again. At one point she asked me, “Is this normal? Do people who you help act like me?” The answer of course is yes. Tears are a normal part of grief. And tears don’t go away quickly. They may last for a lifetime. But the good news is it does get better. When my dad died, the tears wouldn’t stop. Then after a few weeks, the tears only came a few times a day. And now years later, the tears only come up a few times a month.

You shouldn’t have to apologize or excuse yourself for real emotion. If you didn’t love the person, then you wouldn’t cry. And if you aren’t crying, that is okay too. Everyone uses different emotions to process their grief. You may be angry or tired or numb. The only thing you need to do is to experience the grief and overtime it will get easier. If it isn’t getting easier, then get some help.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

Should I take away my grandfather’s car keys? – Car Keys Part 1

Dear Viki,

My grandfather is losing his memory. The other day he got in a minor accident and couldn’t tell the police where he lived or who to call. I don’t want to be the one to do it but should I take away my grandfather’s car keys?

I understand what you are going through because I had to take away my Dad’s keys a few years ago. He was getting more and more confused and forgetful. I was lucky because I took away his keys before he hurt someone or himself. But many people aren’t that lucky. Their loved one kills someone by accident and the whole family is devastated.

So the answer to your question is now. You should take away his keys today before anything worse happens. What helped me make the decision for my dad was realizing that I was protecting him from himself. I had noticed that his behavior was getting worse but I didn’t want to face it. I wanted to believe that things weren’t that bad. But they were. Not only was he in danger in the car, but he was in danger getting around the house. He kept falling and hitting his head. After three trips to the emergency department, I realized that I had to take actions to protect him. The next time he fell would be my fault so I got him a walker to help him with his balance. And I knew that if he drove again and hurt someone, it would be my fault because now that I knew there was a problem, I would be responsible. I couldn’t live with myself if someone died because I wasn’t brave enough to do the right thing.

I am not saying this will be easy. My dad hated that I took away his keys. And I had to go through the whole house to find all the copies of the keys. I realized when I found 15 copies of the keys that he had been forgetting where he kept his keys and kept getting copies made. Another solution families choose is to disable the vehicle so the person can’t start the car even if there are more keys hidden in the house. Eventually my dad got rid of his car so he didn’t have to be reminded of his loss.

And yes it will be a loss and yes they will be angry and sad. I know that someday when my niece or nephew takes away my car keys, I am going to be so disappointed. I love the privilege and freedom of driving. It will be a terrible loss but hopefully I will remember that they are protecting me and loving me. I hope they have the courage to do the right thing even when doing the right thing is difficult to do.

Part 2, Dealing with the emotions. http://tinyurl.com/qjjpb8

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

When to take your patient’s car keys away.

I know that you know you are responsible for reporting those who should not be driving to Department of Motor Vehicles according to the laws of your state. But are you doing it? Do you know how to do this evaluation?

I am encouraging you to take this responsibility seriously. Not only to protect the patient, but to protect your family as well. The impaired driver is driving in your community and is a danger to you and me. Please take this burden off of the patient’s family. They probably know that their loved one shouldn’t be driving anymore but they don’t want to hurt their relationship. Or they don’t want to see the truth or are waiting for you to do it. This is one time that being the “bad guy” is truly being the “hero.”

This issue is not limited to the elderly. It affects those with sleep disorders, those taking certain medications, and mental and functional deficits.

The American Medical Association has a guidebook to help you. The Physician’s Guide to Assessing and Counseling Older Drivers as an educational tool to assist them in helping their patients. (CSA Rep. 6, A-03)

You can download it free at http://tinyurl.com/cp8uvk

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

I don’t use the Golden Rule, I use the Platinum Rule.

What is the Platinum Rule? Let me tell you how it differs from the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule, which is found in almost every religion says, “Treat people as you would like to be treated or Do unto others as you would like to be done unto.” The Platinum Rule is even better. It says, “Treat people as they would like to be treated or Do unto others as they would like to be done unto.” It is actually a more respectful way of treating people. The Golden Rule assumes that everyone is the same and would want exactly what you would want. But we aren’t alike and we can get into trouble making this assumption. Let me give you an example.

When someone you know has died and people want to give you comfort, “Do you want people to hug you or would you prefer people to not touch you?” Well, I am a hugger so if I use the Golden Rule, then I am going to hug you whether you like it or not. But if I use the Platinum Rule, then I am going to ask you if you could use a hug and depending on what you tell me, I will respect your answer.

The Platinum Rule works really well in America. We are all different. We have different religions, cultures, values and basic preferences. What I personally believe in is respect. Therefore, I will ask how you like to be shown respect and try to honor it. That is why if you tell me you don’t want to have surgery, even though you might die without it, I will respect your answer. I won’t agree with it but it is not my body that has to go through the experience. It is yours. And you are the only one who can say what is right for your life and your body. Now I might ask you if you would consider changing your mind because I don’t want you to die, but ultimately, it is your decision.

I will respect you and I hope that you will consider asking me how I like to be shown respect too.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

When I go to the Emergency Room, why is the wait so long?

Dear Viki,

When I go to the Emergency Room, why is the wait so long?

Basically there are only so many beds in a hospital and an emergency room. If there is overcrowding in the hospital, the emergency room will get overcrowded with people waiting to be admitted to the hospital. I know someone that spent three days in the emergency room because there were no beds available in the rest of the hospital. She got her meals, her physical therapy, her medical tests, her x-rays, etc done while she lay in the hallway of the ER. Eventually she got better and was discharged home. She never made it to a regular hospital room.

So how long you will wait to be seen in the emergency department will depend on many factors. Here are just a few:

• How many people got there before you
• How sick you are
• How sick the other people are
• How crowded the whole hospital is
• How many ambulances are arriving outside
• How many other ER’s are available in your area
• People go to the ER when they have a cold or aren’t really sick and take up the doctor’s time
• People go to the ER because they don’t have insurance and the ER has to treat you even if you can’t pay
• People go to the ER because they didn’t want to take time off from work to go to their doctor’s office
• People go to the ER because they kept waiting and hoping they would get better and by the weekend, they still aren’t better

If the other patients already there and those in the arriving ambulances have a more life threatening condition, your wait will be really long. Sorry. Basically the nurses will do something called triage. They have to evaluate who needs help right away and who can wait. I live in an area where many of our emergency rooms have closed because there wasn’t enough money in Los Angeles to keep them open. It puts tremendous pressure on the hospitals that still take care of emergency patients and increases our wait time.

What can we do?

1. Don’t take it out your anger and frustration on the nurses and doctors in the emergency department. They know you had to wait and they wish it was different too. When they go to the ER themselves, they have to wait. They understand and are doing the best they can.

2. If you aren’t really, really sick, go to your doctor’s office. Or go to the urgent care.

3. If you are sick on a Friday morning, go to your doctor’s office. Don’t wait until 6 PM and then go to the ER.

4. Go prepared. Bring all of the medicines and other pills that you have been taking with you in a bag. You shouldn’t be surprised to have to wait.  Bring something to read or do with you.

5. Ask your state to provide more resources for the local hospitals.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

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