Why Did the Doctor Run Away?

Dear Viki,

“The doctor stopped coming into my grandpa’s hospital room and never came back to check on him. Luckily the nurse was there and helped our family as we didn’t know what to do. Viki, why did my grandpa’s doctor run away when my grandpa was dying?”

Maybe the doctor didn’t really “run”, but to the family, it felt like the doctor ran away and became invisible as the end approached. I don’t think doctors mean to do this, but unfortunately, doctors can be uncomfortable around death.

I know, you’re saying, “How can that be?” Well, it is easy. Those who are drawn to medicine and want to become a doctor are those who want to heal and to save. Nobody becomes a doctor to help people die. But unfortunately patients do die and doctors would rather not be a part of it. Unless they get specialized training, their discomfort with death doesn’t go away. Luckily, the young doctors coming out of medical school are getting better training regarding taking care of the dying.

Thank goodness for the nurses who take such good care of our loved ones as they die. Sometimes the best we can do for our loved ones is to have a good nurse, a good chaplain and a good social worker to make the experience a little better. Over the next few months, I will be discussing the concept of a “good death” in greater detail.

Feel free to contact me with your death and dying questions.