Jumping to the Wrong Conclusions

On Grey’s Anatomy the other night, there was a family of three siblings waiting for their mother’s death. They seemed rather inconvenienced and one kept asking, “How soon will she die because I have a plane to catch?” At first the characters and the audience all thought, “How insensitive, how uncaring.” But as the scene and story progressed, the audience realized that we had jumped to conclusions. This was a devoted family that been flying in every time their loved one was at death’s door for a few years. And they had said their goodbyes and grieved, over and over again. They weren’t insensitive, they were exhausted. And at this point they thought they were just going through the motions one more time and she would recover. One sibling even said, “We love her and want to be with her when she dies.” And when the woman did die, the three siblings, sat down with her, cried and asked if they could spend more time with her before the body was taken away.

In watching this, I am reminded how easily we jump to conclusions about other people. We judge them before learning more about the situation. We assume the worst. I have been guilty of expecting the worst out of someone. I have learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. When I encounter someone who is being difficult or uncaring or rude, I remember that I don’t know what just happened in their life. Maybe they just found out that they have cancer or they just found out their spouse has filed for divorce. We just don’t know. So I ask, “Is there anything I can do to help? Is there anything I need to understand?”

I have also been guilty of being the overwhelmed caregiver who starts to care a little less. I hope that the nurses understood that caregiving is a long journey. And that when I visited my aunt, and could only bear to stay a few minutes instead of my usual longer visit, that they didn’t judge me but were compassionate. I hope they didn’t whisper behind my back. But, I don’t know. As healthcare professionals, we have to start from compassion and work from there.