Drowning but can’t reach for a life vest: families, caregivers, doctors, nurses and many others helping professionals

I had such a sad experience recently. I was speaking to a group of doctors and presenting them some techniques to make their lives easier. (This was at a county hospital which deals with the most underprivileged of our community.) I was surprised by how many of the doctors in the room were so resistant to accepting help. I sensed from their comments how burnt out they were and how hopeless they had become. The system they are working under is so broken that they couldn’t imagine that anything could change or be made better. It was painful to witness their suffering.

I realized that what I was seeing was classic caregiver burnout aka compassion fatigue. Caregivers, both family and professional, get so overwhelmed, they can’t ask for help. Lifeguards see this all the time when the person becomes so fatigued that the person can’t grab hold of the life vest right in front of them. The lifeguard has to swim out to the person and literally carry them to shore.

It is so easy for those of those of those who help caregivers to just say, “Grab on and I will help you,” but it may be too late. Ideally, we should reach the person before they are that far gone, but often times, the burnout doesn’t reveal itself until it has become extreme.

I understand this. When I was caregiving for my fourth and final relative, I became so overwhelmed that I laid down on the sidewalk in front of my house, and couldn’t get up. The only reason I finally did get up was because I didn’t want someone driving by to panic and call an ambulance. (Typical caregiver behavior, I was more worried about everyone else, before myself.) I went in the house and cried for days. I was lucky because my husband was my life saver and helped me reach out for support. For so many caregivers, they are drowning and don’t know help is available or where to turn.

For healthcare professionals, there is pride in being strong and capable, and to be weak is professionally unacceptable. And because their colleagues rarely express their own suffering, these professional caregivers think they are all alone. This leads to even more isolation and inability to ask for help.

I would encourage those of you who work as a professional healer to make sure your organization develops programs and support groups for you. You deserve the same care that family caregivers are receiving in the community. I need all of you to be okay because a lot of people are depending on you. But I don’t expect you to be super-human, I understand you are very human and have the same needs as all the rest of us. Please realize you are not alone and there are people ready to help. A great organization that can help is http://www.compassionfatigue.org/.

Have a kind and respectful day.

“The Compassion Fatigue Project” Interview with Patricia Smith, August 3rd, at 9AM pacific. Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online at blogtalkradio.com/kindethics.

“The Compassion Fatigue Project” Interview with Patricia Smith, August 3rd, at 9AM pacific. Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online at blogtalkradio.com/kindethics.

Patricia Smith, founder of the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project,
has published To Weep For A Stranger: Compassion Fatigue In
Caregiving. Along with in-depth explanations of compassion fatigue and
its symptoms and causes, the paperback features the following
comprehensive chapters:

Chapter 1: When Caring Too Much Hurts
Chapter 2: What Is Compassion Fatigue?
Chapter 3: Burdens Of The Chosen
Chapter 4: The Decision To Heal
Chapter 5: Standards Of Self-Care
Chapter 6: To Family Caregivers
Chapter 7: To Those Entering The Helping Professions
Chapter 8: When the Workplace Suffers
Chapter 9: To Weep For A Stranger

To order direct from the Createspace website for only $15, visit:

http://www.createspace.com/3393286

Workbooks:
Healthy Caregiving: A Guide to Recognizing and Managing Compassion Fatigue Level 1 –
Presenter’s Guide www.createspace.com/3363699

Healthy Caregiving: A Guide to Recognizing and Managing Compassion Fatigue Level 1 –
Student Guide www.createspace.com/3363698

CF Marketplace: http://www.cafepress.com/CFMarketplace

To Weep for a Stranger: Compassion Fatigue in Caregiving
www.createspace.com/3393286 (available 7/14/09

Have a kind and respectful day.