2011 Annual Educational Program – Spirituality and End-of-Life Care on April 13, 2011

2011 Annual Educational Program – Spirituality and End-of-Life Care http://www.hospicefoundation.org

Registration is now open for Hospice Foundation of America’s 18th Annual Living with Grief® educational program, Spirituality and End-of-Life Care. Available on DVD, the 2 1/2 hour program can be shown according to your schedule beginning on April 13, 2011. Need to register via mail or fax? Use this form.

Sponsored By:
Foundation for End-of-Life Care

In Cooperation With:
Dignity Memorial Funeral Providers
National Association of Social Workers
Association for Death Education and Counseling
Department of Veterans Affairs Employee Education System
Why Host a Site?

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HFA Brings the Experts to You! There’s no need for expensive travel and many hours, or even days, away from the office.
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Available only on DVD! You choose the day(s) and time(s) – within certain parameters – you will show the program to make it as convenient for your audiences as possible.
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Low-cost CE Credits! Most boards have approved this program for awarding 3 credits to nurses, social workers, case managers, counselors, and more! (Save on CE Fees, learn how!)
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Excellent for Community Outreach! Many host sites use the program as another opportunity to connect with their community. HFA will provide materials to help you promote this educational event. Learn more about how this year’s program will work.

Register Now! Registration includes:

* one full-length DVD
* a detailed Site Coordinator’s Manual
* 50 Program Guides (with a tip & resource sheet included)
* access to a media kit to help you publicize the event in your area
* other useful program materials

Each registered site coordinator will also receive a complimentary review copy of the 2011 Spirituality and End-of-Life Care book, which features chapters by experts in areas related to the program topic.

HFA is also offering an optional Bonus Package this year: access to three webinar programs that will address aspects of spirituality at life’s end in greater depth. Free CE’s for professionals are included, for the first week after each start date, and are only $5/participant after that date. Webinars will be accessible to registrants for a year after their live air dates. View Bonus Package details.

Save on CE fees!
Pass this information along to another organization that may want to present this highly-valued educational program. If they haven’t hosted an HFA Living with Grief® site in the last 3 years and they tell us they are registering because you suggested it, we’ll provide both organizations (their and yours) a 20% discount on CE credit fees for all attendees.

Look at the right-hand menu for information about how this year’s program will work, the bonus package, panelist biographies, advertising information and more! Want to share this information with a colleague? Save this flyer (right-click) with all the important information and pass it along.

Become an HFA Partner and Get Recognized!
2010 National Teleconference – Living with Grief®: Cancer and End-of-Life Care

The 2010 teleconference addresses care options related to cancer diagnoses as well as loss and grief reactions for patients, families and professional caregivers. The program examines psychosocial aspects of cancer, pain management, and ethical issues related to the disease. This program is available as an on-demand program through March 23, 2011 – learn more now!

Looking for resources from a past HFA Teleconference? Visit the Professional Resources section.

What Do I Do When Someone is Grieving?

A doctor stopped me in the hall the other day and asked what he could do to comfort his brother whose son had just died. He told me that the son was only 25 and had died in a car accident. The doctor said that when he talked to his brother, all his brother had done was to scream and yell at him.  He didn’t understand why his brother reacted that way when all he was trying to do was to help.

As I sat down, I could see this doctor’s grief and pain. He was suffering for both the death of his nephew and because he couldn’t find a way to be supportive of his brother. He didn’t understand that grief, especially the early stages of grief can show up in many different ways. His brother wasn’t angry at him, he was angry that his son was dead. But he was taking it out on those around him. That is normal.

Everyone is different in their grief. Some people cry. Others get silent. Some can’t eat while others can’t get out of bed. Any emotion is okay when someone is in grief. And the grief will change as time goes on. When my Dad died, at first I was very quiet and wanted to be left alone. Then I couldn’t stop crying and needed people’s support. And now, years later, it is still an ache deep in my heart.

So how can we help?

1. There are no magic words to make the person feel better. Just say, “I am sorry for your loss.” Now I know you want to make them feel better, but trying to find the perfect words won’t help, but listening does. Listening is very healing.

2. So your next step is to listen, truly listen. If they start talking about their grief, don’t jump in with your own story about the loss you suffered in the past. It is not about you. It is about being present with them and their suffering. I admit that listening is hard. But try to sit still, be quiet and give them this gift.

3. The other thing you can do is to “normalize” their grief. What does this mean? The grieving person would like to be reassured that what they are feeling is normal and to feel less alone with their sorrow. So if they say, “I am so angry at _______.” You can say, “It is normal to be angry. That is a part of the grief process.” Any emotion is normal. That is grief.

4. Don’t be surprised if they don’t want to talk about their loss. Sometimes people need a break from their grief and would just like to have a normal conversation with you. In some cultures and families, grief is a private matter so please respect this and continue to be a good friend.

5. Lastly, if you are a healthcare professional, is it okay to cry with your patient? Of course it is. Sharing a few tears with someone else is a sign of compassion and understanding. But do not cry so hard that the patient then has to comfort you.

Have a kind and respectful day.

“The Young Child Suffering Grief after a Loss” Interview with Shari Moore, August 26th, at 10AM pacific

“The Young Child Suffering Grief after a Loss” Interview with Shari Moore, August 26th, at 10AM pacific. Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online at blogtalkradio.com/kindethics.

Shari Moore is the Youth Program Director at the Hospice of the Conejo. She has worked with bereaved children, ages 4-13, for 8 years. Her background is in Clinical Psychology. Shari is in her third and final year of coursework for a Ph.D. in Mythology and Depth Psychology (may be relevant to address cultural resistance to discussing death in society). She is a project manager at Amgen and a research assistant at UCLA’s Neuropsychiatric Hospital and Institute.

When you hear the words, “There is nothing more we can do.”

As a patient, there may come a time where you hear the words, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing more we can do.” I want to apologize for the doctor’s abrupt words. Many doctors have had little training in having these types of conversations and are incredibly uncomfortable. What your doctor should really be saying is, “Even though there is nothing more we can do to cure you, there’s lots more I can do. I can do plenty to keep you or your loved one comfortable, out of pain, minimize your suffering, refer them to hospice, get your religious leader in here to pray and help provide a peaceful and dignified death.” Just because you don’t hear this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for this. You should advocate that the doctor makes sure you get what you need as your disease progresses and as you die. Help the doctor help you by asking for a palliative care referral if you are having problems with pain. Ask for a referral to hospice when the patient is sleeping more and eating less. You want to stay connected to the doctor even if the direction of treatment has turned to comfort and care.

As a patient or a loved one, you will have a strong grief reaction to these words. You may be in denial, in disbelief, in numbness or feel some other strong emotions. If you are in denial, you will not believe that what you were just told is true. This is okay as it is the way your brain protects you from bad news. Eventually, you will hopefully come out of denial so you can use your remaining days wisely. Or you may find yourself in disbelief. Disbelief is where you keep saying to yourself, “I know the doctor just said ______ but I can’t believe it’s true.” In this situation, you may want 2nd opinions or repeated tests. This is disbelief. Your brain knows it’s true but it is not ready to accept this news. This is also okay and normal. Or you may be numb. This can really be a problem when the doctors want you to make decisions. Ask for a few days so you can process what you have been told before you make these final decisions. You may also have many other types of emotions: anger, fear, hopelessness, helplessness, sadness, etc. These are also normal as you come to terms with your life’s expiration date.

You get to choose how you want to spend your remaining days, months or years. Choose carefully as you won’t get these days back. And if you are like someone I knew who was waiting until they got closer to death to write love letters to his children and his wife, realize that sometimes when get closer to death, you may not have the energy or strength left to finish your goals. Please use your time wisely.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Hospice Foundation of America Teleconference – Diversity at End of Life

It is time for the 2009 National Bereavement Teleconference – Diversity and End-of-Life Care put on by Hospice Foundation of America. Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The program will focus on ways of understanding diversity and how cultural histories, traditions and beliefs can affect end of life care.

You can find out who is hosting a viewing in your area at http://www.hospicefoundation.org/teleconference/default.asp

The Hospice Foundation of America puts on a great educational presentation every year at this time. This year we are lucky because an encore presentation will be available.

A replay of the live event will be available, via webcast only, beginning at 7:30 p.m. EDT (4:30 p.m. Pacific Time). Continuing education credits (CE’s) are also available for both the live program and the encore presentation. However, it is required by boards for continuing education credits to host a 30-minute local discussion, held directly after each program.

Learning Objectives

1. Define diversity and discuss sources of diversity such as ethnicity, class, sexual orientation, religion, and disability;
2. Describe the ways that cultural diversity can both complicate and facilitate end-of-life experiences, including grief and adaptation to loss;
3. Discuss the knowledge, sensitivities, and skills necessary to work with culturally-diverse populations in end-of-life care;
4. Assess the challenges hospice and palliative care present for culturally diverse groups including, but not limited to, African-Americans, Latinos/Hispanics, Asians and Islamic-Americans;
5. Describe effective strategies and programs to work with end-of-life issues with culturally diverse populations including, but not limited to, African-Americans, Asians, Latinos/Hispanics, and Islamic-Americans.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

Is my grief normal? Do other people cry this much?

Ask Viki

Is my grief normal? Do other people cry this much?

I was sitting with a friend whose husband died 6 weeks ago. She wept and talked then stopped crying and talked then wept again. At one point she asked me, “Is this normal? Do people who you help act like me?” The answer of course is yes. Tears are a normal part of grief. And tears don’t go away quickly. They may last for a lifetime. But the good news is it does get better. When my dad died, the tears wouldn’t stop. Then after a few weeks, the tears only came a few times a day. And now years later, the tears only come up a few times a month.

You shouldn’t have to apologize or excuse yourself for real emotion. If you didn’t love the person, then you wouldn’t cry. And if you aren’t crying, that is okay too. Everyone uses different emotions to process their grief. You may be angry or tired or numb. The only thing you need to do is to experience the grief and overtime it will get easier. If it isn’t getting easier, then get some help.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>

Caregiver Burnout – You need to ask for help

I totally get what you are going through. I was a caregiver for many family members for many, many years. Sometimes I could manage just fine. But sometimes I was overwhelmed, exhausted and unappreciated.  I admire people who can take care of those who are sick or elderly or dying. But I also know it comes at a cost to the person doing the caregiving. So, let’s talk about some of the signs of caregiver stress and then discuss some ways you can ask for help. (Help is out there even if your family won’t help you.)

Signs of caregiver stress and burnout:

• Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion

• Fatigue, stress, anxiety, and depression

• Accompanied by a change in attitude – from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned

Why do caregivers burnout?

• Don’t get the help they need, or if they are doing more than they are able, physically or financially

• May become ill themselves

• May feel guilty if they spend time on themselves

• May have to quit job to stay home

• May go bankrupt, both financially and emotionally

But there is another problem. By the time you need extra caregiving help, you are too tired, emotionally fatigued or depressed yourself to ask for help. You have to get a support team in place early on so you don’t have to get to your breaking point.

You may also be suffering from caregiver grief. Your loved one is not the person they used to be and you miss the way things used to be. Or the death of your loved one may be approaching and you are already grieving. This is called anticipatory grief and it is normal. There are grief support groups both online and in your community. If there are local groups you would like me to list on my resource page, let me know.

Help is on the way. There are people and organizations trained to help people in distress. The first person to ask is the patient’s primary doctor. Now you will have two possible reactions from the doctor. One may say, “I can’t help you with what is going on at home, or two, “I can order some home health support to get you through this crisis.” Now the doctor won’t be able to send in someone to take over for you, but they can order a visiting nurse, medical equipment, or someone to help.

Another person you can turn to is your local hospital’s social worker. This is a person who already knows what resources are available in your town and can give you a list of people you could call. There are also free organizations in most communities such as meals on wheels, dial a ride and volunteers with groups such as the American Cancer Society. You can also contact is your local senior center who may be able to provide services.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Got a question?  Ask Viki.  <!–coldform–>