Having patience with a senior loved one

I understand that it isn’t easy to be patient with a loved one that is aging or has a physical or mental limitation. I know that I have tried to hurry along a loved one with little success. But it is important to understand that our loved ones aren’t doing this to annoy us. They are just at a different stage of life. As a people age, the need to be in a rush and to get a lot done changes. Older seniors have more important things to focus on, the work of aging. There are two main tasks that need to be accomplished: Keeping control over as much of their life as possible and legacy work. The need to keep a sense of control and power over one’s life is necessary as the seniors begin to experience significant losses. Seniors are losing their health, their abilities and those around them begin to die. As people come to terms with what they are losing, the need to hold on to what power they can becomes even more important.

This is why when you come in and try to take over our loved one’s life, it is not seen as being helpful, but as you trying to dominate the person. We rush our loved ones and try to make them go at the speed that we prefer. The need to rush and get things accomplished is our agenda, not theirs. It is important to remember that the senior is not in a rush. He or she is trying to enjoy and appreciate the time remaining.

Not only are seniors trying to keep control but another even more important task needs to be done. Legacy work. This is when the aging are trying to make sense of and to make peace with how their lives have gone. They want to be remembered. They want to be able to tell their story and to know that someone is listening. When seniors repeat a story, it serves many purposes. The need to make sure our families will remember our history so they can share it with future generations and the need to re-tell the story themselves so they can make sense of what has gone before. If you can, take the time to reinforce that the senior in your life matters and that he or she has made a difference.

Some day, we will all be in this stage of life and will need to accomplish these tasks as well. This is no different from a toddler needing to learn to walk or a teenager learning independence. This is just a part of life. Perhaps we could be a little more patient and understand that these life tasks do not happen in a hurry. Maybe there is something we can learn along the way if we slow down, listen and connect with the seniors in our lives in a more profound and meaningful way.

For more information about how to communicate in a way that respects the journey of the senior, read David L. Solie’s book, How To Say It To Seniors.

Have a kind and respectful day.