Are you treating your loved one like a “Third Party Patient”?

When you take your loved one to the doctor’s office, are you making sure that you are keeping the person with diminished capacity involved in the office visit? Too often, the doctor starts talking to the patient’s family or caregiver and forgets that the patient is in the room. Or sometimes we forget that our loved one is still here and begin to make all of their decisions for them. This is what is called, “Making the person a third party patient.” It is seems like the patient has become invisible.

I know this has happened in my family. Many times, my dad’s doctor would ask me in front of my dad, “How is your dad feeling today?” Then I would say, “I don’t know, ask him.” Or when I would take my aunt, who was in a wheelchair, out for lunch, people would say to me, “What would your aunt like to eat?” And once again I would say, “I don’t know, ask her.” We have to remind people that our loved one is still here. Even if the person has lost some of their ability to think and communicate, that doesn’t mean that he or she shouldn’t be included. Yes, the person with diminished capacity will not be making the final decisions about medical treatment choices, but the individual can still voice his or her opinion.

I know that it may not be easy and it may take more time, but we need to keep the person included. The person deserves our attention and our effort. Face the patient, ask the person questions and be patient when waiting for the answer. Explain to the person what will be happening to him or her in language that can be understood. It is important to include the person for as long as possible and when it is safe to have them have a voice in the decisions.

Have a kind and respectful day.