Your Patients May Not Know How To Get The Help They Need.

I remember when my mom was dying and I was sitting vigil with her in the hospital on the last day of her life. My brother, who I was close to, said to me, “There really ought to be someone who can help people with this.” And what he meant by “this”, it was the dying process. I said to him, “This is what I do, I am a hospice volunteer.” My brother knew me very well and knew that I worked with the dying, but he couldn’t imagine what that meant. And if he couldn’t imagine what a hospice worker does, then a lot of people may be confused or unsure.

We can’t assume that our patients know how to get what they need. They may not even know what they need. They don’t know that there are specialists who can help them make their home safer for the patient, help them with applying for disability benefits or help them make decisions about both the short and long term plans. As professionals, you need to help them access the appropriate resources. If as a physician you don’t have the time, then make a referral to a social worker who can help the family cope with their changing life and health situation. Or find out what resources are available in your community and help them make the connections yourself.

I get called by so many people, whether it is for help during the dying process, help with figuring out what to decide when the patient can’t speak for themselves anymore or how to deal with a conflict in the hospital. You aren’t alone. I can help you when you are wondering, “Am I on the right track here? Am I doing the right thing?” You can run it by me and I will talk you through it.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Most people on their death bed will ask, “Did I matter?” Here is a dying ritual to help you with this question.

One of the universal questions that people ask themselves when they are dying is, “Did I matter.” It doesn’t matter what religion you are or if you have no religion, we all hope that our life has made a difference. Whether you are interacting with your loved one or if you are a healthcare professional caring for a patient, this is something that you can help the dying with. Let them know directly how they have made a difference in your life. Tell them if you have learned something from them, if they have made you laugh or if they taught you how to be a better person. The person will have a more peaceful death knowing that their life had a positive effect on this world.

A wonderful ritual you can do with the dying is the rock ceremony. Even if the person is unconscious, you can still do this ritual. Here is how it works. Each person who cares about the dying person gets a rock. Any rock. It can be a special rock they pick out or just a rock from the garden. One by one, each person walks into the bedroom or hospital room of the patient and lays the rock on the person’s chest or lap. As they do this, they should say, “This rock represents what you have taught me, done for me, helped me with… You have made a difference in my life. Thank you.” Or words like that. You will know what to say. Young children can do this ritual as well. They might just say, “I like it when you read to me or take me to get ice cream.” It doesn’t matter how small or big, just that the person matters. As each person places the rock on the patient, the patient can literally feel the weight of their effect on the world. It is a powerful way to say thank you and goodbye. I hope that on the day you die, you will know that you have mattered too.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Bo Bradley on Thursday, May 28th at 3:30 pst on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics about “Preventing Caregiver Burnout.”

I will be interviewing Bo Bradley on Thursday, May 28th at 3:30 pst on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics about “Preventing Caregiver Burnout.” She will discuss what is burnout and what leads to it, then she will give you tools and strategies to manage the burnout. To find out more about Bo, check out her website at http://www.UniversityOfManifesting.com

Are you the patient’s advocate or a bully?

This might be painful to read, but you may be making things worse for your loved one. Now I am a big believer in advocating for what you need in healthcare but there is a line which shouldn’t be crossed. And the line is when you start bullying the members of the healthcare team. Here is what this might look like. The doctor says, “What you are requesting won’t work for this condition. That treatment isn’t an option.” And you say, “You have to do it anyway or I will sue you.” You will probably get your way because doctors are afraid of the “l” word, lawsuit. But what you really just got is a medical treatment that will not work for your loved one and will only give them toxic side effects. Are you sure that’s what you meant to do?

If you truly want to know if a treatment is appropriate, ask for a second or third opinion. If you can find a doctor that will give you what you want, then change to that doctor. But if after you have asked 2 or 3 other doctors and they all tell you no, then you need to realize what you are getting is good medical advice. If everyone around you reacts negatively to you, it is not everyone being the problem, it is you. So if all the doctors and nurses are a “problem”, then perhaps the problem is you. You may be a bully.

You may think that if you become loud and demanding then you will get what you want. It doesn’t work that way in hospitals. You may get what you want but you will destroy the relationship between the patient and the doctor. And did you know that if the patient trusts the doctor, they will actually heal faster? It’s true. So when you damage the relationship, you are damaging the recovery process. And again, your good intentions will cause harm.

The doctors and nurses will start avoiding the patient’s room and spend less time interacting with you and the patient. And you and your loved one will become known as the “problem in room 321.” Every nurse that comes on shift will be warned about you. And again, that doesn’t get you what you want.

If you want to get more, be kinder and more appreciative. I always tell people that if you want to get better care, bring snacks to the nurses. Say thank you to the doctor. Make them want to spend more time thinking about your loved ones health and more time talking to you and the patient. Be a part of the healthcare solution.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Suzanne Holman on Thursday, May 21st, at 10pst on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics “Keeping sane, healthy and professional when your parent has alzheimers.”

I will be interviewing Suzanne Holman on Thursday, May 21st, at 10pst on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics “Keeping sane, healthy and professional when your parent has Alzheimers.” She will be discussing how to be more productive at work while you are caring for your loved one with Alzheimers.

Suzanne Holman of Suzanne Holman International is the founder of the Alzheimer’s in the Family Coaching Program. She created this program to support business women who have a parent with Alzheimer’s to stay sane, healthy, and professional.
Suzanne has a background in nutrition, fitness, psychology, technology, and emotional intelligence. She has also had the life experience of a mother diagnosed with Alzheimer’s three years ago. You can access her blog and website at www.AlzheimersintheFamily.com

Suzanne Holman International is a coaching and training company committed to supporting women worldwide in creating a life that has the elements that are important to them. In our Alzheimer’s in the Family program we support businesswomen who have a parent with Alzheimer’s to stay sane, healthy, and professional. We offer specific strategies to support you during all phases of your parent’s Alzheimer’s journey. Programs we offer are a free Gathering Call each month, small group coaching, and teleseminar programs.

Amal Burhan on Monday, May 18pst, at 5:30pst on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics “Helping Healthcare Professional Understand the Needs of the Muslim Patient.”

I will be interviewing Amal Burhan on Monday, May 18pst, at 5:30pst on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics “Helping Healthcare Professional Understand the Needs of the Muslim Patient.”

Amal Burhan will be discussing the needs of the Muslim patient receiving treatments during their life and during their dying process.

A Life Lesson from Aunt Berda – Coping with a Chronic Illness

My Aunt Berda was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when she was 31. She was amazing as she didn’t even use a wheelchair until her late 70’s. I asked her about her symptoms one day and she explained to me that she had constant numbness and tingling. I was shocked. If you met my aunt, you would think that she didn’t have any physical suffering with her MS. But she did. I asked her about how she handled the symptoms while keeping her good nature. Here is what she told me.

She said that when she was first diagnosed as a young woman, she spent 30 days in the hospital paralyzed. She made a decision at that time that if she had to be a patient, then she would be a good-natured patient. She didn’t need to make life miserable for those who were caring for her. She said that every day she wakes up and “Chooses to be happy.” That it is an active choice. Maybe two days a year, the symptoms got the best of her but most of the time she kept to this decision. Did the MS affect her? Of course, but she kept her good nature and chose to give to others everyday. She was a wonderful listener and provided a supportive ear to all that interacted with her. I knew she was special but I was still surprised when a nursing assistant said to me, “Look at this.” I looked at the cell phone she held out to me and a picture of my aunt and this caregiver was the main picture on the phone. This caregiver said that my aunt was her best friend. And I didn’t even know about it. It was a powerful lesson in knowing that no matter what the circumstances we find ourselves in, we have a choice. We can choose to make a difference. We can choose to be happy. My aunt died last year but her lesson lives on.

Choose to have a kind and respectful day.

Choosing the “Least Worst Option”

Sometimes we have to choose between, not a good option and a bad option, but between two terrible options. I have been in this situation before when making decisions for my dad with his worsening dementia, and what helped me was something I read. Sometimes we have to pick the “least worst option.” What does this mean? It means you don’t have a good answer or a good choice. All you can do is to pick the least terrible option. Because that is your best option. I know this is terrible, but sometimes we have to make peace with this dilemma. Of course, we first have to work very hard to figure out if there are other better options available and ask other people for help. But sometimes it comes down to a decision that will never feel right or good. Just do the best you can and pick the least worst choice.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Jacqueline Marcell, Author of Elder Rage, May 19th, 5PM pst, on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics – “Strategies for Dealing with the Difficult Aging Parent.”

I will be interviewing Jacqueline Marcell, Author of Elder Rage, May 19th, 5PM pst, on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics – “Strategies for Dealing with the Difficult Aging Parent.”

It is my pleasure to introduce you to JACQUELINE MARCELL – (949) 975-1012

JACQUELINE MARCELL was so compelled by caring for her elderly parents, both with early Alzheimer’s not properly diagnosed for over a year, that once she figured everything out she gave up her stalled career as a television executive to become an advocate for eldercare awareness and reform. She is the devoted daughter in her best-selling book, Elder Rage (www.ElderRage.com) a Book-of-the-Month Club selection being considered for a film. Over 50 endorsements include: Hugh Downs, Regis Philbin, Johns Hopkins Memory Clinic, and the National Adult Day Services Association who honored her with their Media Award. She also received “Advocate of the Year” from the National Association of Women Business Owners at their Remarkable Women Awards.

Jacqueline is a sought-after international speaker who has spoken at hundreds of events including to the National Security Agency and Florida House of Representatives. She’s been interviewed on the TODAY SHOW and CNN, and was featured on the cover of the AARP BULLETIN. Jacqueline also hosts a radio show, Coping with Caregiving on wsRadio.com, where 7 years of her interviews with healthcare professionals are archived for free listening-on-demand: www.wsRadio.com/CopingWithCaregiving. She also writes columns for AgingCare.com (www.agingcare.com/Experts/1108/Caregiving) and ThridAge.com (www.thirdage.com/expert-voices/jacqueline-marcell), and as a breast cancer survivor, Jacqueline advocates that everyone, especially caregivers, closely monitor their own health. Her website is www.ElderRage.com.

JACQUELINE’S MISSIONS ARE TO: encourage long-term care planning; enlighten healthcare professionals how they can better help the families they work with; empower caregivers with solutions and hope, and to always put their own health first; encourage funding for Alzheimer’s research and heighten early diagnosis awareness; expose elder abuse and exploitation; advocate for funding for Adult Day Care Services; and to help improve eldercare laws.

KEY POINT: The importance of EARLY diagnosis and treatment of Alzheimer’s–and that there can still be a good life after a diagnosis of dementia, if it is properly balanced medically and behaviorally.

STARTLING ELDERCARE STATISTICS

• There are 78 million US Baby Boomers (those born 1946-1964) among 300 million. Every year, more than 50 million Americans provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend.

• The average life expectancy at the turn of the last century was 47. With advances in medicine, in 2008, average life expectancy is 82.1 for males and 85 for women.

• By 2025, there will be over 62 million Americans over the age of 65–almost double in 25 years.

• The fastest growing segment of our population is the 85+ group–and half of them need some help with personal care.

• Over 5.1 million Americans have Alzheimer’s–more than double since 1980. 1 in 10 say they have a family member with Alzheimer’s, and 1 in 3 say they know someone with the disease.

• Alzheimer’s does not happen overnight. It begins to attack the brain 10 to 20 years before the first symptoms. A person will live an average of 8 and as many as 20 years from the onset of symptoms.

• Increasing age is the greatest risk factor for Alzheimer’s. 1 in 8 over age 65, and nearly half over the age of 85 are afflicted. Rare, inherited forms can even strike victims in their 30’s and 40’s.

• More than 7 out of 10 people with Alzheimer’s live at home, where their family and friends provide 75% of their care. The remaining 25% is paid-for care costing an average of $19,000 per year–which families pay mostly all out-of-pocket.

• By 2012, 75% of Americans age 65 and over will require long-term care–an estimated 43% to spend time in a nursing home. Half of all nursing home residents have Alzheimer’s or a related dementia.

• The annual cost of Alzheimer’s care in the U.S. is at least $100 BILLION. With 78 million Baby Boomers reaching their Golden Years soon, our health care system will be overcome, bankrupting Medicare and Medicaid.

• The estimated annual value of all types of informal caregiving is $257 BILLION.

• Medicare expenditures for people with Alzheimer’s are nearly 3 times higher than the average for all beneficiaries. Half of all Medicare beneficiaries with dementia also receive Medicaid because they have exhausted their own resources.

• Alzheimer’s Disease costs American business $61 BILLION a year–60% of that is the cost of the lost productivity and absenteeism of workers having to take time off to care for their sick loved ones.

• By delaying the onset of Alzheimer’s Disease in individuals for five years, we could save 50% in annual health care costs. Even a one-month delay in nursing home placement is estimated to be able to save $1 BILLION a year. Early diagnosis and treatment is the key.

Doctors could get paid to listen to patients about their end of life wishes. Help is on the way with H.R. 1898 being proposed in the House.

H.R. 1898 is being proposed in the United States House of Represented. What this bill does is to provide financial support for doctors to have meaningful end of life conversations. This is amazing. Right now, doctors get paid to take action. Now they could get paid to stop and spend time talking to patients and families about important end of life decisions. And I will tell you, doctors do what they get paid to do. If they get paid to go to surgery instead of allowing physical therapy to work, then they will go to surgery. This proposed legislation is historic. Being paid to listen and respect the patient’s wishes while designing an appropriate end of life care plan would be great. This is a great beginning to shifting the culture of medicine by changing what priorities will be paid for by Medicare.

« Previous Page — Next Page »