Your Patient’s Just Not That Into You

Are you the difficult doctor? Are you making things better or worse for your patient and their family? You might be perceived as a difficult doctor if:

– The nurses hide when you come onto the floor

– You will not return phone calls

– You will not listen to the patient/family

– You appear too busy and in a hurry to demonstrate compassion

– You will not respect the patient’s wishes or the patient’s advance directive

– You will not transfer the patient to another doctor who would be a better fit

– You have a bias against the patient’s culture, religion, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

I had a doctor tell me that the nurses hide from him but he was sure he wasn’t the problem. I just smiled as he went on to defend his rude and aggressive behaviors. I tried to explain to him that how you treat a patient affects the medical outcome. Research has shown that if a patient trusts you, they will heal faster. And trust comes from good communication. I told him that I understood that he didn’t mean to be difficult and that he may just be misunderstood because he is so busy.

If your patients aren’t that into you, then here are some strategies to help your patients reconnect with you.

Here is the most important point: We want to turn judgment into compassion. When a person comes into your office, you don’t know what just happened in their life. They may be grumpy, angry, frustrated or sad because they are in the middle of a divorce, their brother just died or they just had a car accident. Whenever I see someone in a bad mood, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I try to be compassionate and give them extra support. Usually, just showing them some kindness turns the situation around and I become a trusted ally.

Other ways to rebuild the relationship:

1. Be aware of your negative expectations. If you walk in expecting the worst, you will get it.

2. Avoid making assumptions. Your assumptions may be wrong. There may be a good reason this patient is being difficult and if you can find out what it is, you can help resolve their issues.

3. Listen more so you can understand the patient’s perspective. Listening itself can be an act of healing. When you listen, the patient feels cared about.

4. When we deal with someone who is difficult, our frustration makes us pull away from them. What we really need to do is to monitor our emotions and reactions so we can continue to be empathetic and compassionate.

5. If the patient continues to be non-compliant, work on maintaining the relationship through an ongoing dialogue. If the patient can rebuild their trust in you over time, they may begin to take your advice. You have the power to change it from a conflicted relationship into a collaborative one.