Should I take away my grandfather’s car keys? – Car Keys Part 1

Dear Viki,

My grandfather is losing his memory. The other day he got in a minor accident and couldn’t tell the police where he lived or who to call. I don’t want to be the one to do it but should I take away my grandfather’s car keys?

I understand what you are going through because I had to take away my Dad’s keys a few years ago. He was getting more and more confused and forgetful. I was lucky because I took away his keys before he hurt someone or himself. But many people aren’t that lucky. Their loved one kills someone by accident and the whole family is devastated.

So the answer to your question is now. You should take away his keys today before anything worse happens. What helped me make the decision for my dad was realizing that I was protecting him from himself. I had noticed that his behavior was getting worse but I didn’t want to face it. I wanted to believe that things weren’t that bad. But they were. Not only was he in danger in the car, but he was in danger getting around the house. He kept falling and hitting his head. After three trips to the emergency department, I realized that I had to take actions to protect him. The next time he fell would be my fault so I got him a walker to help him with his balance. And I knew that if he drove again and hurt someone, it would be my fault because now that I knew there was a problem, I would be responsible. I couldn’t live with myself if someone died because I wasn’t brave enough to do the right thing.

I am not saying this will be easy. My dad hated that I took away his keys. And I had to go through the whole house to find all the copies of the keys. I realized when I found 15 copies of the keys that he had been forgetting where he kept his keys and kept getting copies made. Another solution families choose is to disable the vehicle so the person can’t start the car even if there are more keys hidden in the house. Eventually my dad got rid of his car so he didn’t have to be reminded of his loss.

And yes it will be a loss and yes they will be angry and sad. I know that someday when my niece or nephew takes away my car keys, I am going to be so disappointed. I love the privilege and freedom of driving. It will be a terrible loss but hopefully I will remember that they are protecting me and loving me. I hope they have the courage to do the right thing even when doing the right thing is difficult to do.

Part 2, Dealing with the emotions. http://tinyurl.com/qjjpb8

Have a kind and respectful day.

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When to take your patient’s car keys away.

I know that you know you are responsible for reporting those who should not be driving to Department of Motor Vehicles according to the laws of your state. But are you doing it? Do you know how to do this evaluation?

I am encouraging you to take this responsibility seriously. Not only to protect the patient, but to protect your family as well. The impaired driver is driving in your community and is a danger to you and me. Please take this burden off of the patient’s family. They probably know that their loved one shouldn’t be driving anymore but they don’t want to hurt their relationship. Or they don’t want to see the truth or are waiting for you to do it. This is one time that being the “bad guy” is truly being the “hero.”

This issue is not limited to the elderly. It affects those with sleep disorders, those taking certain medications, and mental and functional deficits.

The American Medical Association has a guidebook to help you. The Physician’s Guide to Assessing and Counseling Older Drivers as an educational tool to assist them in helping their patients. (CSA Rep. 6, A-03)

You can download it free at http://tinyurl.com/cp8uvk

Have a kind and respectful day.

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