Choices: Senior Living Options’ Telesummit – Registration Open

Do you have an aging parent?

Are you a caregiver of an elderly person?

Are you thinking ahead to your own later years?

Four experts will be joining Dale Carter to discuss 4 varieties of senior living options.

Mark Hager, Jill Gilbert, Lisa Sneddon and Eleanor Feldman Barbera.

By the end of this Telesummit, you’ll walk away with a clear comparison and understanding of the following major senior living options.

• Aging in Place
• Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC)
• Assisted Living
• Nursing Home

Check your knowledge of Senior living options. Answer True or False.

1. You need to focus on selecting the one right Senior living option for your parent or yourself for the rest of their/your life.
2. “Aging in Place” is just about home modifications.
3. Continuing Care Retirement Communities are just for the wealthy.
4. Nursing homes are places of institutional care where physical needs are met. You should not expect much more.

All 4 statements are false. While these experts will dispel common myths and provide detailed information, they will provide so much more.

The four experts will share their positive vision of aging and how we can partner with our aging parents and families in making the right decision at this point in time in our parent’s life, as well as preparing for the future.

For dates/times… and to reserve your spot for this telesummit go to, http://www.transitionagingparents.com/choicesseniorlivingoptions/

Monday, November 2, 2009 8 pm Eastern
Tuesday, November 3, 2009 8 pm Eastern
Wednesday, November 4, 2009 8 pm Eastern
Thursday, November 5, 2009 8 pm Eastern

Although each session will feature Q&A at the end, feel free to email Dale questions in advance to dale.carter@transitionagingparents.com

Advance Directives Part 3 – Now that you have filled it out, what should you do next?

Now that you have filled it out, what should you do next?

1. Well, the first thing you have to do is sit down with your first choice and your alternate decision makers and discuss what you would want if you were injured, disabled or dying. Remember that this form goes into affect when you are too mentally disabled, unconscious or sedated to speak for yourself.

2. Then, you have to give all of your decision makers a copy of your advance directive. You also need to give copies to all of your doctors and your local hospital. You should keep a copy at home either by your bedside, taped to the inside of your medicine cabinet or on your refrigerator. You can also keep one in your car or in your purse. People won’t know what you want if they can’t find your instructions. Doctors get frustrated when the family says, “The patient has an advance directive, but we don’t know where it is.”

3. The next time you go to your doctor, bring him a copy and discuss what you have written with him. Ask him if he would be willing to respect your choices. This is where you can really get into trouble. Some doctors won’t follow what people have written in their advance directives, so you better know right now if he is one of those doctors. Also, some doctors are too afraid to talk about death. If you don’t think your doctor would not respect your wishes or if they are too uncomfortable talking about dying, then find yourself another doctor. I am serious about this. Doctors go against people’s instructions and prolong the suffering and dying of patients in every hospital. If you find yourself in this situation, with the doctor refusing to follow the advance directive, then the bioethics committee at your hospital should be able to help you. If you are the loved one and you are unwilling to follow what is written in the advance directive, then you shouldn’t be the decision maker. Have the doctors use one of the alternates.

How to get an advance directive and other resources.

1. The easiest way to get a free advance directive is to go to the front desk of any hospital. Just tell them you need one or more for your family and they should give them to you free.

2. You can go online to caringinfo.org for a free, state specific form. These are also free.

3. If you need one in a particular language, then do a google search with your state and language and see what comes up. Only a few languages are available, I am sorry to say.

4. Your doctor’s office should have one for you, but unfortunately, many doctors don’t keep them in their office.

5. You can also order one from Five Wishes. This is a very good document for explaining what you would want in certain situations. The document costs $5 each and can be ordered in bulk (25 copies or more are $1 each) at 888-5-WISHES or www.agingwithdignity.org. These forms are valid in 40 states including: Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, The District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska,
New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming.

Quick Version for How To Fill Out Your Form:

Whom should you pick?
1. Pick someone who will understand what the doctor is saying.
2. Pick someone who knows you well and has listened to you tell them what you want.
3. Pick someone who won’t fall apart in a crisis.
4. Pick someone who will do what you have asked, even if it difficult to do.
5. Write down who you don’t want to be your decision maker.
6. You can pick two or three people to work together as your decision makers.
7. Your spouse may not be your best choice and you may want to choose someone else.

What would you want?
1. This form goes into effect when your brain isn’t working anymore, not just when you are dying.
2. Don’t be too specific about the particular treatments you want or don’t want because you don’t know what the medical situation will be when you need this form.
3. Write out a “Meaningful Recovery Statement” describing what kind of life you would want, if you were disabled and couldn’t think anymore.
4. Tell the doctors what they should do if you were going to live in a terrible condition as well as if you were dying.
5. Write down anything else you want them to know about where or how you want to die, organ donation preferences or autopsy instructions.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Advance Directives Part 2 – What would you want if you were unable to speak for yourself?

Next let’s look at how to tell the doctor what you would want, if you were unable to speak for yourself.

What would you want?

1. The first thing is to remember that this form goes into affect when you are too mentally disabled, unconscious or sedated to speak for yourself. This form will be used when you are injured, sick and/or when you are dying. Too many people, including doctors, think of this form as only a dying form. For some people, this form will be used for years when they have become mentally ill or disabled.

2. The next thing to decide is what you would want in certain medical situations. Should you be specific or vague about the specific medical treatments you would want? I would encourage you to be vague. You won’t know the exact medical situation you might find yourself in and you may have guessed wrong when you wrote down don’t do this or don’t do that. Here is an example: A patient might write on his or her advance directive that they never want to be put on a ventilator. How will this statement be interpreted by your doctors? The doctor will not put you on the ventilator because if he does, then it is considered assault and battery to give someone medical treatments against his will. This recently happened to an elderly gentleman. The gentleman wrote that he didn’t want to be hooked up to a ventilator, but what he meant was, he didn’t want to live on a ventilator. This became a problem when he needed to be hooked up to a ventilator for 4 days in order to recover from an infection. He didn’t need it forever, just for a few short days. But because he was too specific, the doctor couldn’t save him. So be careful when you request certain medical choices. Make sure that what you have written would work in all situations.

3. So, now that I just scared you, you are probably worried about what to write in this section. I have a solution. It is called a “Meaningful Recovery Statement.” You need to explain to the doctor, “What kind of life would you want to live if your mind no longer worked well or if it didn’t work at all?” Now for some people, any condition is okay as it is God’s will to determine how we live and when we die. But for others, you can’t think of anything worse than living in a nursing home, wearing diapers, having other people feed you and not being able to recognize your loved ones. But how will your doctors know what you want if you don’t tell them? Doctors know how to practice medicine. But what they don’t know is what would make for a “meaningful recovery” for you. So you have to tell them.

Here is my “Meaningful Recovery Statement”:
“I value a full life more than a long life. If I have lost the ability to interact with others and have no reasonable chance of regaining this ability or if my suffering is intense and irreversible, even though I have no terminal illness, I do not want to have my life prolonged. I would not then ask to be subjected to surgery or to resuscitation procedures, to intensive care services, or to other life-prolonging measures, including the administration of antibiotics, blood products or artificial nutrition and hydration. I also believe that the financial and emotional burden on my family should be considered in making these types of decisions.”

Because I have written this in my advance directive, the doctors will know what is important to me. Of course this doesn’t have to be your statement. Write one that is meaningful to you and attach it to or write it on your advance directive.

One more thing, please address the issue of terminal versus non-terminal situations. If you are terminal, then it is important your doctors know where and how you would want to die. If you are only severely disabled, but not going to die soon, then you need to let them know what kind of life would be tolerable for you. The best way to be protected is to write it down.

We have just gone over the main sections. Of course you can write down anything else you want the doctor to know about you. You might want to tell them where or how you would want to die, if you would like to donate your organs or if you are for or against an autopsy. This is your form, so write down whatever works for you.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Interview with author, B. Lynn Goodwin, “You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers” on Nov. 16th 10AM pacific, on BlogTalkRadio.com/kindethics

Interview with author, B. Lynn Goodwin, “You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers” on Nov. 16th 10AM pacific, on BlogTalkRadio.com/kindethics. Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online at blogtalkradio.com/kindethics

B. Lynn Goodwin is a teacher, editor, freelance writer, former caregiver, and the author of You Want Me To Do What? – Journaling for Caregivers (Tate Publishing). She is published in Voices of Caregivers; Hip Mama; the Oakland Tribune; the Contra Costa Times; the Danville Weekly; Staying Sane When You’re Dieting; Small Press Review; Dramatics Magazine; Career, We Care, Caregiving, and Self-Care NCDA Monograph; 24/7—a caregiving anthology (forthcoming); Families of Loved Ones Magazine (forthcoming); Kaleidoscope (forthcoming) and numerous e-zines. She facilitates journaling workshops for caregivers and publishes Writer Advice, www.writeradvice.com. You can reach her at Lgood67334@comcast.net.

In addition, Lynn cared for her mother for six years while she struggled with undiagnosed Alzheimer’s. During this time my outlet was my journal. Whether I wrote three sentences or three pages, journaling eased my frustrations and fears.

You can learn more about the book, the workshops and Lynn at http://www.writeradvice.com/ywmtdw.html or in this article that was published in the Danville Weekly on February 27: http://www.danvilleweekly.com/story.php?story_id=5708.

Lynn’s book creates a wonderful opportunity to give voice to the feelings you are experiencing when caregiving. “You want me to do what?” can also be used to start a conversation with the person you are taking care of or with the others who are also doing the caregiving. Healing the caregiver is just as important as healing the patient and journaling can help with the healing process.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Advance Directives Part 1 – Choosing your decision maker

Most doctors just hand the patient this form and say fill it out. But they don’t help you fill it out or explain what the decisions mean. I am going to help you think through the process of filling out your Advance Directive.

There are two main decisions you need to make when you are filling out your Advance Directive. Who you want to make your decisions for you and what you would want. After I help you with these two questions, I will then tell you what to do with your advance directive after you have filled it out. At the end, I have included instructions on how to find a form that would work in your state.

Let’s first talk about who you would want to make decisions for you. In your state, your form might ask you to list your agent, proxy or surrogate decision maker. (These words all mean the same thing, but each state its own legal term.)

Who should you pick?

1. You should pick someone who is medically literate. What does this mean? The person should be able to understand what the doctor is saying, be able to figure out the medical words and be able to understand the medical choices being offered. If the person you thought you were going to pick would be confused by what the doctor would say, then pick someone else.

2. You should pick someone that knows you very well, would know what you would want in a medical crisis and would tell the doctor what you have told them in the past. The person you have chosen will be asked to listen to the medical information and then use your values to make the medical decisions. The person is not supposed to use his or her own values, but to speak as if they were you. If the person you thought you would pick wouldn’t respect your choices or has very different beliefs from yours, then pick someone else. You want someone who will speak as if he or she is speaking with your voice, not his or her own agenda.

3. You should pick someone that won’t fall apart in a crisis. It doesn’t do you any good if the person is hysterical, can’t function or can’t stand to visit you in the hospital. You need to pick someone brave enough and who will be by your side no matter how difficult things get. If the person you thought you would pick doesn’t handle his or her own life very well, then don’t have him or her be in charge of yours.

4. You should pick someone that will do right by you even if it is the most difficult thing they ever had to do. Sometimes doing the right thing is allowing the person you love to have a peaceful death. And your decision maker needs to be able to live with the difficult decisions he or she has to make. In reality, he or she is making the decisions based on what you would want, not what he or she would want. But that doesn’t make it any easier. You have to be able to talk to this person ahead of time about what you would want in different kinds of situations. So, if the person you thought you would pick is too afraid to talk about death and dying, then he or she isn’t the right person for this job. And if he or she would refuse to follow through with what you have requested, then pick someone else.

5. You can write down whom you don’t want to be your decision maker. Depending on what state you live in, the rules vary regarding who is in charge of you when you are unconscious or incapacitated. You need to protect yourself.

6. Doctors won’t tell you this but you can pick two or three people to share in your medical decision making. But be careful that you pick people who can work together, will support each other and who you know won’t make things worse for the healthcare team. I had one lady tell me that she picked her two sons to make her decisions and that these two men had never agreed on anything. She is setting herself up for a nightmare as good decisions won’t get made and the doctor will hate having to deal with her sons. You don’t want your doctor to hate your decision maker. Please pick carefully.

7. Some people don’t pick their spouse because they know that it would be too much for their loved one to go through and that their spouse couldn’t make these most difficult decisions. If you do pick your spouse, then you need to be extremely careful about picking the alternate decision makers. The alternates will make your decisions if you and your spouse are injured in the same accident. The alternate should be just as qualified as your first choice.

I am available to speak at your organization or hospital.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Finding the money to modify the senior’s home for safety.

From http://ageinplace.com. Thanks Mark Hager for these great resources.

Here are some places to research for help paying for aging in place home modifications or services:

• Use the Eldercare locator from the US Government ( http://www.eldercare.gov/ or 1-800-677-1116) to connect with your local Area Agency on Aging. They will have the most relevant information available.
• Local cities have CDBG (community development block grants) for home repair. And/or contact the local Mayor to find local funds.
• Rural Development is also a great resource for low-interest 1% loans/forgiveable loans and grants for home repair/home mod. http://www.rurdev.usda.gov/
• Sometimes community foundations will also fund a variety of start-up programs and may know where to turn locally.
• Habitat/Rebuild Together are also up in our neck of the woods Indiana/Michigan.
• Larger churches in our area volunteering, especially the men’s groups for some handyman/home fix up.
• Reverse mortgages. Not for everyone, but can help many.
• If you’re a veteran, try the Veteran’s Administration

For more help, contact:

http://www.ageinplacepros.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/aging_in_place
Facebook: http://www.profile.to/aginginplace
mark@ageinplace.com

Have a kind and respectful day.

Interview with author, Lydia Burdick, “Wishing on a Star”, A read-aloud book for mentally challenged adults, on Nov. 10th, 4pm pacific

Interview with author, Lydia Burdick, “Wishing on a Star”, A read-aloud book for memory-challenged adults, on Nov. 10th, 4pm pacific.

Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online at blogtalkradio.com/kindethics

Have a kind and respectful day.

CONTEST!! Tell me about your favorite doctor’s office and how the staff have made a difference. I will send the person who submits the winning story and the winning doctor’s office a cake from BakeAWish.com. Ends Nov. 8, 2009

I have worked in a medical office and I know how difficult it can be to keep the doctor on schedule, deal with the patients that are suffering and to make sure the bills get sent to the insurance company on time. I would like to honor this month the great doctor office’s staff that go the extra mile to make sure that the patients get the care they need. I also know that this group of workers don’t always get the recognition they deserve. So here is what I would like to do this month.

Tell me about your favorite doctor’s office and why they have made a difference in your life. I will pick one story to feature on my blog and the person who submitted the winning story and the winning doctor’s office will each receive a cake from BakeAWish. (Of course, I can change your name if you don’t want to be mentioned on my site.) The last date to send in your story is Nov. 8, 2009. I will announce the winner on my blog on Nov. 12th.

Send your story to me at Viki@KindEthics.com

Bake Me A Wish: http://tinyurl.com/rylvyz

Have a kind and respectful day.

Celebrate the holidays today – Take a treat to your doctor’s office or the nursing home today

You may be thinking of doing something nice for your loved one’s doctor’s office, hospital staff, or long term facility where your loved one lives. But don’t do something in December. Everyone brings the staff food and treats in December and a lot of it goes to waste (waist). The staff would love to have your bring something in October or some other month when they can truly appreciate it. And, your efforts will be noticed because it is not just one more person bringing in a treat, but you thinking of them at a different time of the year.

Here are a couple of yummy places where you can order something to be delivered.

Chocolates Gifts: http://tinyurl.com/p8abol
Cakes: http://tinyurl.com/rylvyz
Tea: http://tinyurl.com/nt5gqc
Coffee: http://tinyurl.com/l6x2d5

Have a kind and respectful day.

Interview with Debra Joy from BCelebrated.com, Nov. 4th 10AM pacific, on BlogTalkRadio.com/kindethics

Interview with Debra Joy from BCelebrated.com, Nov. 4th 10AM pacific, on BlogTalkRadio.com/kindethics. Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online.

Debra Joy is founder of Bcelebrated.com. She and her husband developed the service after experiencing the loss of several loved ones over a short period of time.

We created this service so everyone would have a chance to determine how their life will be celebrated. To share their story, say their goodbyes, and comfort and support their loved ones.

Bcelebrated.com enables members to document their life as they are living it. They can write their story in their own words, adding pictures, videos, music and links to other sites. The site will become their permanent online memorial, including funeral and obituary information, at the time of their death. Members can create secure password-protected private pages to offer words to comfort, information about access codes or where important documents are kept. The site has an automatic notification system so the burden of tracking down contacts in a timely manner no longer rests on the shoulders of the grieving family. The notification will alert the community of the member’s death and invite them to the site where they can share their own stories, read about the member’s death in their own words, send a gift to the grieving family and access their private page if one has been created for them.

“Some of our friends knew they were going to die and had a chance to organize matters, tell people how much they love them, say their goodbyes. Those who died unexpectedly they never got that chance. Families were left scrambling to contact people, and make decisions and arrangements on behalf of their loved one, while they are going through their own grief.”

To read more about Bcelebrated go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/geoffrey-dunn/bcelebrated—-a-revoluti_b_291536.html

Have a kind and respectful day.

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