Join me for “A Year to Live” discussion with Debra Joy and Alison Demer on August 20th, 11am Pacific on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics

Join me for “A Year to Live” discussion with Debra Joy and Alison Demer on August 20th, 11am Pacific on blogtalkradio.com/kindethics

I will be interviewing Debra Joy from Bcelebrated.com and Alison Dermer as they discuss their journey through A Year to Live. They are living this year as if this is the last year of their life. There are powerful lessons to be learned when we remember that life is short and we should live life to its fullest. You can read more about their journey at http://bcelebrated.blogspot.com.

Bcelebrated.com is a wonderful website where you can:

Create your autobiographical legacy website.
Share your story with your words, images and audio.
Write password protected private messages for loved ones.
Automatically email your community when you pass away.
Leave a permanent site where your friends and family will celebrate your life.

Have a kind and respectful day.

When you are going the wrong way, turn around.

When we are making the decisions for those in our care, it is important to make sure that the decision is still working. You may find that you made the best medical decision you could and then the plan didn’t work. When this happens, it is important to reconsider the treatment plan. Otherwise, you’re driving down the wrong road: You can keep driving and driving, but you will never get to where you are going. You need to stop, ask for new directions and then start down a new path.

You may also need to modify your expectations when things don’t work. Sometimes we are so desperate for the plan to work that we can’t bear to see the truth when the plan fails. You are not helping your loved one by continuing treatments that don’t work. You are only subjecting the patient to needless side effects and increased suffering. One thing that doctors may want to do is to try a time-limited trial of a proposed treatment option. “Let’s try it for a few days or for a little while and see how it goes.” This is a really great option. After the set time expires, you can check to see if the decision is working. If it is not working, go back through the decision making process and make a better decision based on the new information about the patient’s changing condition. Don’t be stubborn and keep driving your loved one in the wrong direction. Take this as an opportunity to turn around and get it right.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Patience - Lessons Learned - Viki’s Journey

Patience – Lessons Learned -  KindEthics.com Newsletter

Quote of the Month:

The individual is capable of both great compassion and great indifference. He has it within his means to nourish the former and outgrow the latter.
Norman Cousins

I love when life reminds me of the lessons that I thought I had learned, but then I find out I need a refresher course. This month’s newsletter is about having patience, but not just your average patience, instead good-natured and seeking to understand patience. There are two parts to this story.

The second part first:

Two weeks ago I had to make about 50 phone calls to set up the events for my book tour in July. As I was contacting different groups and reaching out to the community organizations that help those with differing levels of capacity, I was on a roll. Each call was a wonderful opportunity to connect with like-minded people about our common goals. I tend to be a quick person and was enjoying the speed with which I was accomplishing my tasks. Then it happened, I contacted some organizations that focus on helping those who communicate more slowly or differently, and all of a sudden, my world slowed down. The reason being, the people I needed to talk to also suffered from the same issues of communicating differently. What had taken me 10 minutes to accomplish on other calls, now took me 25 minutes.

I had a choice. I could politely excuse myself from the call and just move on to someone else. I could get frustrated or start multi-tasking while I waited for them to say what they needed to say. Or, I could be present, slow myself down, listen differently and be patient. I realized that patience was not about “waiting it out,” but it was about staying connected with an open heart as I remembered I needed to listen differently.

When I did this, I heard amazing things. One gentleman with bipolar disease told me that he hoped others would understand when he said, “I can do it – Until I can’t.” I had never heard this phrase but it was a gift to me because it so clearly explains the needs of someone with a fluctuating mental illness. I had understood the concept as this is exactly what I talk about throughout my book. Keeping people included and empowered, despite their limitations, until those instances when they need us to step in and protect them. But I hadn’t had such an easy way to say it. I am so grateful he shared it with me.

Part 1 of the story:

Back in March, when it was Brain Injury Awareness Month, I was fortunate to connect with a wonderful woman named Tammi Diaz. She suffered a traumatic brain injury when she was hit by a car, but she has overcome her injury, found a new way to be, and is a wonderful advocate for those in her community. I contacted her because I wanted to interview her on my online radio show because I thought it would be great for my listeners to hear first hand from someone who still deals with the effects of a brain injury. When I first spoke with her, I was acutely aware of her slightly slower speech. Not much slower, but just enough to notice. She shared with me her stories about the amazing way she advocates at the state legislature and her passion for improving the public transportation in her community. Coming from a show biz background as a child, I wondered if my listening audience would keep listening once they heard her voice. I realized I might lose some listeners but that was the whole point of the show, to get people to hear from people struggling with brain injuries. (You would have thought that a few weeks later, I would have known that I needed to be patient when I was making all those phone calls. But my own agenda and schedule got in the way. Lesson re-learned.)

I booked her on the show along with the director of the Brain Injury Association in Utah. What a wonderful and inspiring interview. I realized that we don’t hear these types of voices in the media or on television shows. This is a silenced community like so many who struggle with mental illness, dementia, developmental delays etc.

So what is in this message for all of us? I hope that you can remember to slow down and to listen differently when you are talking to someone with a speech or brain disorder. Don’t rush, don’t complete their sentences, don’t get annoyed and don’t think it isn’t worth your time. The gift of understanding that you may receive from someone who experiences the world differently is inspiring. I am so grateful that I got the opportunity to practice what I teach. Each phone call brought a gem of knowledge and a connection with a terrific person. Please role model this kind of behavior for your kids, your colleagues and for others in the public when you can see a store clerk growing impatient with someone with a disability. We can make a difference in the lives of others, by listening with a generous heart and a good-natured attitude.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Don’t go to the hospital in July – It could be dangerous to your health

I was talking to legal nurse expert, Patricia Coonan, and she was telling me that there is a definite increase in medical errors in July. I have heard this joked about in the world of medicine, but it is not a joke. Errors increase every year at this time because this is when doctors in training shift to a new level of responsibility. The newly graduated doctor becomes an intern, the intern becomes a resident and the resident becomes a fellow. With this increase in responsibilities practically overnight, the doctor needs to be ever more vigilant about asking for help when they get into an overwhelming situation. It is normal for them to need help occasionally and they need to speak up at those times. Patricia says that medical negligence is usually not because the patient has the negative side effect, but is when the doctors or nurses don’t notice and fix the problem. Medical errors are normal because humans are taking care of us. And the younger doctors are still learning.

I am not telling you this to scare you but to make sure you are educated. You should always have a patient advocate at the hospital with you. You should ask what medicine is being given to you and what dose you are getting. If it is not on your list of medicines, ask why you are getting this new drug. You should make sure people are washing their hands before they touch you. You should make sure you have all of your questions answered before you sign a consent form. If you can, ask questions and make sure you are getting a consistent message from your doctors. If you are too ill to watch out for yourself, then get a love one to protect you and ask questions.

The only way you get new doctors is to train them. And they get trained by learning on all of us. These are real doctors and they have been well trained. I have had all of these levels of doctors take care of me when I was in the hospital and I was just fine. So, I am not saying you should be afraid of interns, residents or fellows. This is just a reminder to be your own patient advocate.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Patient’s Rights - Where do they start and where to they end?

What are our obligations to the patient? Keep in mind that autonomy only works with people who have the capacity to make their own decisions.

Here are some of the patients’ rights that come with using autonomy:
• Patients have the right to receive all the information they need to make a good decision.
• Patients have the right to make their own decisions.
• Patients have the right to refuse treatments they do not want.
• Patients do not have the right to demand treatments that will be medically ineffective or are medically inappropriate for their condition.

It is important to realize that there are limits to a patient’s rights. A patient is limited to asking only for treatments that will benefit her. This limitation makes sense. It would be pointless, and potentially harmful, to provide a treatment or medication that would not improve the patient’s condition. So, as a physician, you are able to say no to practicing bad medicine. If what the patient or decision maker is requesting would be inappropriate or non-beneficial you can say no and protect the patient. But if it is a medically valid option, even when you disagree with what the person wants because you think they are being foolish or it isn’t the best option to choose, we have to respect that it is the patient’s body and life.

I know this can be difficult as you watch people making foolish choices. But that is autonomy. All of us, including you, are allowed to make the decisions that make sense in the context of one’s own life. (Of course, there are different boundaries in pediatrics.)

One technique I use with patients is to say, “Here is the ideal plan. Now let’s talk about your plan.” That allows the two of you to partner together to build a plan, although it might not be ideal, it is something the patient is willing to consider and to try. And then perhaps in the future, the patient will be willing to consider the other options you would like him or her to try.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Autonomy and Patient’s Rights

Autonomy means that a person makes his own decisions, so it only works with people who have the capacity to make their own decisions. If you have determined that your loved one still has capacity, then this is the correct decision making option. With Autonomy, the person gets to say what should be done to his body.

When I went to my doctor to talk about my injured back, my doctor told me what options were available to help me get better. He said I could try physical therapy, have a cortisone injection in my back, or just wait and see if it got better over time. Because I had the ability to think for myself and to make my own decisions, I was able to choose what I wanted to do. I got to think about the different options I was given and then make my own decision. I had Autonomy.

Here are some of the patients’ rights that come with using autonomy:
• Patients have the right to receive all the information they need to make a good decision.
• Patients have the right to make their own decisions.
• Patients have the right to refuse treatments they do not want.
• Patients do not have the right to demand treatments that will be medically ineffective or are medically inappropriate for their condition.

It is important to realize that there are limits to a patient’s rights. A patient is limited to asking only for treatments that will benefit her. This limitation makes sense. It would be pointless, and potentially harmful, to provide a treatment or medication that would not improve the patient’s condition.

Keep in mind that autonomy only works with people who have the capacity to make their own decisions. If you have determined that your loved one does not have decisional capacity, you will have to use different tools such as Substituted Judgment or the Best Interest Standard. (I will cover these two later this month.)

Have a kind and respectful day.

Caregiver Yoga - Right in your home while you raise money for your school

Interview with Laura Colvin-Brown about Caregiver Yoga and raising money for your school. June 10 at 10AM pacific. www.blogtalkradio.com/kindethics

Take care of your self AND your school! Finally… a way for busy parents and educators to get in a little TLC for themselves, while helping out their favorite school…aaaahhh!

If you are like all the other parents and educators that I know, you don’t have time to visit your local yoga studio: who would watch the kids?! …..but you WISH there were a way. Well, now there is!

How about THIS…. we will send you eight new yoga classes every month… that you can watch and do right from your home computer or laptop ANYTIME… and you can do them as many times as you like! 8 all new gentle flow yoga classes will be sent right to your inbox every month when you subscribe to our service. This is like having a private yoga studio right from your screen… for only $15/ month! ….and the best part? Half of that goes directly to the school or group who sent you here.

Compare this to a yoga studio near you: some charge $15 PER CLASS! This is the easiest, most reasonable way to get your yoga in and help your school out at the same time.

Sign up today to receive 8 full video classes every single month!
www.OnlineYogaFundraiser.com
www.FlagstaffYogaFestival.com

Have a kind and respectful day.

Why is he suffering? Why is the doctor waiting to give him pain meds?

Dear Viki,

My nephew had surgery a few days ago and he is still in a lot of pain. He told the doctor that he has a pain level of 8 and the doctor told him that he would come in in the morning and address his pain level. I don’t think this is right. How can the doctor just leave him suffering all night? What can I do?

Answer:

I can’t believe this still happens. Patients are not supposed to be in pain and should not be left in pain until it is convenient for someone to deal with it. Hopefully by now your nephew has been taken care of but the next time, you can ask the nurse to call the doctor who is on call that evening and ask him to order the right pain medication.

The question you might want to ask the doctor when he or she comes in the next morning is, “How would you like to suffer all night with a pain level of 8? Would you leave your own kid in that kind of pain?” I would love to hear his or her answer. As caregivers/family members, we have to advocate and sometimes get loud in order to make sure our loved ones get what they need.

I do have compassion for healthcare professionals because they see so much suffering, like those in the military. The only way they can cope is to distance themselves from what they are seeing. This doesn’t excuse not taking care of your nephew but I just want you to understand that usually, it isn’t that doctors don’t care—it is because they care too much.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Join Viki as she talks about “Empowering Caregivers to Make Better End-of-Life Decisions” at Circle of Care Leeza’s Place, June 16th in Sherman Oaks.

Empowering Caregiver’s to Make Better End-of-Life Decisions at Circle of Care - Leeza’s Place on June 16 from 12-1:30.
Everyone is welcome!

Being empowered and educated about the dying process brings peace of mind knowing that you will be able to handle what may come your way. Attendees will learn about the needs of the dying, how to make good end-of-life decisions and hospice services can benefit your entire family. Viki Kind joins with Circle of Care Leeza’s Place to create a safe haven ot ask yoru questions and to talk about your fears.

Circle of Care Leeza’s Place
5000 Van Nuys Suite 110, Sherman Oaks, CA 91403
818-817-3259 F 818-817-3263

Circle of Care Leeza’s Place is an intimate and safe setting where caregivers and loved ones recently diagnosed with any memory disorder can gather for education and support, and to prepare themselves for the challenging journey ahead. Developed in response to the challenges Leeza Gibbons and her family encountered while seeking specific and needed support, and funded in full by the generosity of our community through the Circle of Care Foundation, Circle of Care Leeza’s Place offers new supportive settings for the purpose of
Educating, Empowering & Energizing.

All programs are FREE OF CHARGE & held on site unless otherwise noted.
Please feel free to contact Stefanie Elkins at 818-817-3259 or selkins@leezasplace.org.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Great new guide for when you leave the hospital

Too often we spend a lot of time thinking about going into the hospital but no time thinking about coming home. The hospital discharge process is when patients are vulnerable to misunderstandings and errors. The patient is feeling sick and not able to listen to the instructions, the loved one may or may not be there, and the nurse rushes through the crucial information. If you can, make sure you have a loved one beside you when the nurse goes over the discharge instructions. If you have questions, ask until you get the answers you need. You can even ask the doctor to tell you what you will need to be prepared for when you go home when you are talking about the upcoming surgery or procedure.

Here is a guide to review and use before you think about going to the hospital.

http://www.medicare.gov/publications/pubs/pdf/11376.pdf

Have a kind and respectful day.

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