Interview with author, B. Lynn Goodwin, “You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers” on Nov. 16th 10AM pacific, on BlogTalkRadio.com/kindethics

Interview with author, B. Lynn Goodwin, “You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers” on Nov. 16th 10AM pacific, on BlogTalkRadio.com/kindethics. Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online at blogtalkradio.com/kindethics

B. Lynn Goodwin is a teacher, editor, freelance writer, former caregiver, and the author of You Want Me To Do What? – Journaling for Caregivers (Tate Publishing). She is published in Voices of Caregivers; Hip Mama; the Oakland Tribune; the Contra Costa Times; the Danville Weekly; Staying Sane When You’re Dieting; Small Press Review; Dramatics Magazine; Career, We Care, Caregiving, and Self-Care NCDA Monograph; 24/7—a caregiving anthology (forthcoming); Families of Loved Ones Magazine (forthcoming); Kaleidoscope (forthcoming) and numerous e-zines. She facilitates journaling workshops for caregivers and publishes Writer Advice, www.writeradvice.com. You can reach her at Lgood67334@comcast.net.

In addition, Lynn cared for her mother for six years while she struggled with undiagnosed Alzheimer’s. During this time my outlet was my journal. Whether I wrote three sentences or three pages, journaling eased my frustrations and fears.

You can learn more about the book, the workshops and Lynn at http://www.writeradvice.com/ywmtdw.html or in this article that was published in the Danville Weekly on February 27: http://www.danvilleweekly.com/story.php?story_id=5708.

Lynn’s book creates a wonderful opportunity to give voice to the feelings you are experiencing when caregiving. “You want me to do what?” can also be used to start a conversation with the person you are taking care of or with the others who are also doing the caregiving. Healing the caregiver is just as important as healing the patient and journaling can help with the healing process.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Advance Directives Part 1 – Choosing your decision maker

Most doctors just hand the patient this form and say fill it out. But they don’t help you fill it out or explain what the decisions mean. I am going to help you think through the process of filling out your Advance Directive.

There are two main decisions you need to make when you are filling out your Advance Directive. Who you want to make your decisions for you and what you would want. After I help you with these two questions, I will then tell you what to do with your advance directive after you have filled it out. At the end, I have included instructions on how to find a form that would work in your state.

Let’s first talk about who you would want to make decisions for you. In your state, your form might ask you to list your agent, proxy or surrogate decision maker. (These words all mean the same thing, but each state its own legal term.)

Who should you pick?

1. You should pick someone who is medically literate. What does this mean? The person should be able to understand what the doctor is saying, be able to figure out the medical words and be able to understand the medical choices being offered. If the person you thought you were going to pick would be confused by what the doctor would say, then pick someone else.

2. You should pick someone that knows you very well, would know what you would want in a medical crisis and would tell the doctor what you have told them in the past. The person you have chosen will be asked to listen to the medical information and then use your values to make the medical decisions. The person is not supposed to use his or her own values, but to speak as if they were you. If the person you thought you would pick wouldn’t respect your choices or has very different beliefs from yours, then pick someone else. You want someone who will speak as if he or she is speaking with your voice, not his or her own agenda.

3. You should pick someone that won’t fall apart in a crisis. It doesn’t do you any good if the person is hysterical, can’t function or can’t stand to visit you in the hospital. You need to pick someone brave enough and who will be by your side no matter how difficult things get. If the person you thought you would pick doesn’t handle his or her own life very well, then don’t have him or her be in charge of yours.

4. You should pick someone that will do right by you even if it is the most difficult thing they ever had to do. Sometimes doing the right thing is allowing the person you love to have a peaceful death. And your decision maker needs to be able to live with the difficult decisions he or she has to make. In reality, he or she is making the decisions based on what you would want, not what he or she would want. But that doesn’t make it any easier. You have to be able to talk to this person ahead of time about what you would want in different kinds of situations. So, if the person you thought you would pick is too afraid to talk about death and dying, then he or she isn’t the right person for this job. And if he or she would refuse to follow through with what you have requested, then pick someone else.

5. You can write down whom you don’t want to be your decision maker. Depending on what state you live in, the rules vary regarding who is in charge of you when you are unconscious or incapacitated. You need to protect yourself.

6. Doctors won’t tell you this but you can pick two or three people to share in your medical decision making. But be careful that you pick people who can work together, will support each other and who you know won’t make things worse for the healthcare team. I had one lady tell me that she picked her two sons to make her decisions and that these two men had never agreed on anything. She is setting herself up for a nightmare as good decisions won’t get made and the doctor will hate having to deal with her sons. You don’t want your doctor to hate your decision maker. Please pick carefully.

7. Some people don’t pick their spouse because they know that it would be too much for their loved one to go through and that their spouse couldn’t make these most difficult decisions. If you do pick your spouse, then you need to be extremely careful about picking the alternate decision makers. The alternates will make your decisions if you and your spouse are injured in the same accident. The alternate should be just as qualified as your first choice.

I am available to speak at your organization or hospital.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Finding the money to modify the senior’s home for safety.

From http://ageinplace.com. Thanks Mark Hager for these great resources.

Here are some places to research for help paying for aging in place home modifications or services:

• Use the Eldercare locator from the US Government ( http://www.eldercare.gov/ or 1-800-677-1116) to connect with your local Area Agency on Aging. They will have the most relevant information available.
• Local cities have CDBG (community development block grants) for home repair. And/or contact the local Mayor to find local funds.
• Rural Development is also a great resource for low-interest 1% loans/forgiveable loans and grants for home repair/home mod. http://www.rurdev.usda.gov/
• Sometimes community foundations will also fund a variety of start-up programs and may know where to turn locally.
• Habitat/Rebuild Together are also up in our neck of the woods Indiana/Michigan.
• Larger churches in our area volunteering, especially the men’s groups for some handyman/home fix up.
• Reverse mortgages. Not for everyone, but can help many.
• If you’re a veteran, try the Veteran’s Administration

For more help, contact:

http://www.ageinplacepros.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/aging_in_place
Facebook: http://www.profile.to/aginginplace
mark@ageinplace.com

Have a kind and respectful day.

Interview with author, Lydia Burdick, “Wishing on a Star”, A read-aloud book for mentally challenged adults, on Nov. 10th, 4pm pacific

Interview with author, Lydia Burdick, “Wishing on a Star”, A read-aloud book for memory-challenged adults, on Nov. 10th, 4pm pacific.

Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online at blogtalkradio.com/kindethics

Have a kind and respectful day.

CONTEST!! Tell me about your favorite doctor’s office and how the staff have made a difference. I will send the person who submits the winning story and the winning doctor’s office a cake from BakeAWish.com. Ends Nov. 8, 2009

I have worked in a medical office and I know how difficult it can be to keep the doctor on schedule, deal with the patients that are suffering and to make sure the bills get sent to the insurance company on time. I would like to honor this month the great doctor office’s staff that go the extra mile to make sure that the patients get the care they need. I also know that this group of workers don’t always get the recognition they deserve. So here is what I would like to do this month.

Tell me about your favorite doctor’s office and why they have made a difference in your life. I will pick one story to feature on my blog and the person who submitted the winning story and the winning doctor’s office will each receive a cake from BakeAWish. (Of course, I can change your name if you don’t want to be mentioned on my site.) The last date to send in your story is Nov. 8, 2009. I will announce the winner on my blog on Nov. 12th.

Send your story to me at Viki@KindEthics.com

Bake Me A Wish: http://tinyurl.com/rylvyz

Have a kind and respectful day.

Celebrate the holidays today – Take a treat to your doctor’s office or the nursing home today

You may be thinking of doing something nice for your loved one’s doctor’s office, hospital staff, or long term facility where your loved one lives. But don’t do something in December. Everyone brings the staff food and treats in December and a lot of it goes to waste (waist). The staff would love to have your bring something in October or some other month when they can truly appreciate it. And, your efforts will be noticed because it is not just one more person bringing in a treat, but you thinking of them at a different time of the year.

Here are a couple of yummy places where you can order something to be delivered.

Chocolates Gifts: http://tinyurl.com/p8abol
Cakes: http://tinyurl.com/rylvyz
Tea: http://tinyurl.com/nt5gqc
Coffee: http://tinyurl.com/l6x2d5

Have a kind and respectful day.

Interview with Debra Joy from BCelebrated.com, Nov. 4th 10AM pacific, on BlogTalkRadio.com/kindethics

Interview with Debra Joy from BCelebrated.com, Nov. 4th 10AM pacific, on BlogTalkRadio.com/kindethics. Call in to listen live at (347) 945-5152 or listen online.

Debra Joy is founder of Bcelebrated.com. She and her husband developed the service after experiencing the loss of several loved ones over a short period of time.

We created this service so everyone would have a chance to determine how their life will be celebrated. To share their story, say their goodbyes, and comfort and support their loved ones.

Bcelebrated.com enables members to document their life as they are living it. They can write their story in their own words, adding pictures, videos, music and links to other sites. The site will become their permanent online memorial, including funeral and obituary information, at the time of their death. Members can create secure password-protected private pages to offer words to comfort, information about access codes or where important documents are kept. The site has an automatic notification system so the burden of tracking down contacts in a timely manner no longer rests on the shoulders of the grieving family. The notification will alert the community of the member’s death and invite them to the site where they can share their own stories, read about the member’s death in their own words, send a gift to the grieving family and access their private page if one has been created for them.

“Some of our friends knew they were going to die and had a chance to organize matters, tell people how much they love them, say their goodbyes. Those who died unexpectedly they never got that chance. Families were left scrambling to contact people, and make decisions and arrangements on behalf of their loved one, while they are going through their own grief.”

To read more about Bcelebrated go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/geoffrey-dunn/bcelebrated—-a-revoluti_b_291536.html

Have a kind and respectful day.

Choosing a Nursing Home – A checklist

Visit Nursing Home Compare at www.medicare.gov/NHCompare for more information. This list can be found at http://www.medicare.gov/LongTermCare/Static/StepsOverview.asp

Name of Nursing Home:
Date of Visit:

Basic Information – Answer Yes or No

The nursing home is Medicare-certified.
The nursing home is Medicaid-certified.
The nursing home has the level of care you need (e.g. skilled, custodial), and a bed is available.
The nursing home has special services if needed in a separate unit (e.g. dementia, ventilator, or
rehabilitation), and a bed is available.
The nursing home is located close enough for friends and family to visit.

Resident Appearance

Residents are clean, appropriately dressed for the season or time of day, and well-groomed.

Nursing Home Living Spaces

The nursing home is free from overwhelming unpleasant odors.
The nursing home appears clean and well-kept.
The temperature in the nursing home is comfortable for residents.
The nursing home has good lighting.
Noise levels in the dining room and other common areas are comfortable.
Smoking isn’t allowed or may be restricted to certain areas of the nursing home.
Furnishings are sturdy, yet comfortable and attractive.

Staff

The relationship between the staff and the residents appears to be warm, polite,
and respectful.
All staff wear name tags.
Staff knock on the door before entering a resident’s room and refer to residents by name.
The nursing home offers a training and continuing education program for all staff.
The nursing home does background checks on all staff.
The guide on your tour knows the residents by name and is recognized by them.
There are licensed nursing staff 24 hours a day, including a Registered Nurse (RN) present at
least 8 hours per day, 7 days a week.
The same team of nurses and Certified Nursing Assistants (CNAs) work with the same resident
4 to 5 days per week.
CNAs work with a reasonable number of residents.
CNAs are involved in care planning meetings.
There is a full-time social worker on staff.
There is a licensed doctor on staff who is there daily and can be reached at all times.
The nursing home’s management team (including the Director of Nursing and the
Administrator) has worked together for at least 1 year.

Residents’ Rooms

Residents may have personal belongings and/or furniture in their rooms.
Each resident has storage space (closet and drawers) in his or her room.
Each resident has a window in his or her bedroom.
Residents have access to a personal telephone and television.
Residents have a choice of roommates.
Water pitchers can be reached by residents.
There are policies and procedures to protect residents’ possessions.
Hallway, Stairs, Lounges, and Bathrooms and Exits are clearly marked.
There are quiet areas where residents can visit with friends and family.
The nursing home has smoke detectors and sprinklers.
All common areas, resident rooms, and doorways are designed for wheelchair use.
There are handrails in the hallways and grab bars in the bathrooms.

Menus and Food

Residents have a choice of food items at each meal. (Ask if your favorite foods are served.)
Nutritious snacks are available upon request.
Staff help residents eat and drink at mealtimes if help is needed.

Activities

Residents, including those who are unable to leave their rooms, may choose to take part in a
variety of activities.
The nursing home has outdoor areas for resident use and staff help residents go outside.
The nursing home has an active volunteer program.

Safety and Care

The nursing home has an emergency evacuation plan and holds regular fire drills (bed-bound
residents included).
Residents get preventive care, like a yearly flu shot, to help keep them healthy.
Residents may still see their personal doctors.
The nursing home has an arrangement with a nearby hospital for emergencies.
Care plan meetings are held with residents and family members at times that are convenient
whenever possible.
The nursing home has corrected all deficiencies (failure to meet one or more Federal or state
requirements) on its last state inspection report.

This is just the beginning. Make sure you plan on visiting at different times of the day and night to make sure that this is the place you would want your loved one to live. And after the person moves in, make sure you keep visiting at random times so the staff knows you are watching out for your loved one.

Have a kind and respectful day.

Swine Flu Season – What to know when visiting a hospital or long term care facility

The restrictions on who can visit during swine flu season will include rules about what age visitors are allowed and how many people can visit patients this fall. Some hospitals are not allowing anyone under the age of 16 to visit a loved one unless the person is imminently dying. Or the hospital is limiting the total number of visitors to two. Before you go to visit someone in the hospital or in a long term care facility, call ahead to see what the rules are.

If you do visit, make sure that you wash your hands before you come into the building, before you touch the patient and as you leave so you don’t take any germs out with you. Many hospitals have the antibacterial gel at the entrance and in each person’s room. Use it often to protect yourself and your loved one. You may also want to bring a bottle of the antibacterial gel to leave at the bedside of your loved one. That way they can protect themselves.

The hospital doesn’t want you to get sick and they don’t want you to bring in any germs. Patients are very vulnerable to any infection and even if you didn’t mean to, you might be bringing a deadly infection to someone in the hospital. An infection that only makes you a little sick may be life-threatening to someone else. If you are sick, stay home.

I know that it would be difficult for me to stay home when my loved one was in the hospital. But I also know that I would be risking someone’s life by taking the chance of coming to the hospital when I am sick. I could not bear the thought that I brought something into the hospital that killed someone. So, I will do the right thing and stay home if I am in that situation. I hope you will too.

Have a kind and respectful day. KindEthics.com

Sample from the “Kindness Reminder” emails – Physical Affection

People used to laugh at me when I would arrive at the assisted
living and dementia unit to visit my aunt and my dad. They both
were in wheelchairs but that didn’t mean they didn’t get their
hugs. I would straddle the wheelchair, bend my knees so I was
almost sitting on their laps and then put my arms around them.
When people are in wheelchairs or in bed, we tend to stop touching
them. For some people, physical touch is the most comforting and
healing way to receive love. You will get a lot out
of this too because when you hug someone, you get hugged right back.

You don’t have to hug like I did but make sure you are giving them
some physical affection. People are very lonely and isolated when
they become dependent on a chair or a bed. So, sit and hold their
hand. Put your arm around their shoulder. Pat them on the back.
Even if it is just a hug from the side, make the effort to connect
with them physically. For some people, crawling into bed and
embracing them works well too. If your loved one doesn’t like to
be touched, then of course, don’t do this.

IF you would like more ideas for how to stay in contact with your loved ones,
sign up for the “Kindness Reminder” free weekly email on the top right side of my blog at Kindethics.com

Have a kind and respectful day.

« Previous Page — Next Page »